i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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