did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
