New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
