I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
