I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
