things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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