Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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