just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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