Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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