he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
