finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
