Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
