Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
