Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
