Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
