i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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