So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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