Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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