I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
