it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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