Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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