I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
