My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
