there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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