I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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