vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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