if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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