When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
