Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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