i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
