It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
