Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Someone came in the potted fern
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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