my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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