You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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