Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
