so let's talk penis.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
