new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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