this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
