She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
