Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
