So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
BRING THE BAGELS
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
