You can't special order awesome
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
