This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
