Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
