its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
