ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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