he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
