This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
