I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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