Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
