are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
