you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
